I've been roaming around
I was looking down at all I see
Painting faces, building places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
-Kings Of Leon, Use Somebody
Another great song that's been stuck in my head.
So anyway.... Yo.
Once again I feel sick to my stomach.
I think that I was misunderstood and now I'm going to have to.. I don't know. Talk to people about this and clearify. And I'm afraid that if I do I may cry. Just because when I tried to clearify with my mother I started to. Sigh. Weird I know, but that's the way I am. I get upset and the waterworks start.
But from the sound of it, they will be doing the talking and I'll have to listen. Not what needs to be done, mind you. I need to be the one yacking their ear off and them listening. But of course if I do that I may get upset with the secret revealing and start to cry. Ugh. So not what I'd like to happen. Why can't we all ignore it and let it go?
Because you've never been good at ignoring anything, you dimwit. Durh. And ignored problems never get resolved.
But... but what if they guilt me into doing something? I know that they won't do it on purpose, but I'm pretty sure that they will somehow. I'm a very pathetic person and fairly nearly incapable of saying no. Letting people down is not my forte. But I HAVE to do this. How do I get this across? How?! I'm losing my mind here. Losing it I tell you.
And it's making me positively sick to my stomach.
Craappppp.
I kinda just feel like crying, I'm not going to lie. I want to lay in the floor and pitch a classic two year old temper tantrum. Because I don't feel like being responsible and grown up. But I will be. I know I will be. And that makes me so mad. Why can't I act out on an immature note and just shrug it off and be like, "heck to the no"? Why?! It would be sooo much easier. Being the good reliable one sucks sometimes.
Ugghh.
That one non-word sums up absolutely everything right now. UGGHH.
J.
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